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Advice to Muslimahs Regarding their Husbands

forthesakeofallah:

1. The husband’s rights over his wife are greater indeed than the wife’s rights over him. 

Abu Huraira reported that the Messenger of Allaah said:

“No one should prostrate to anyone else, but if anyone were to prostrate to anyone else, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the great rights that Allaah has given to them.”

[Ibn Hibbaan, Al-Ihsaan, 4150. Al-Bayhaqee, Al-Kubra, 7/291, with a hasan isnaad]

2. Be careful how you treat your husband, for he is your door to Jannah or the door to Jahannam.

Husayn Ibn Muhsin reported from a paternal aunt of his who went to the prophet (saw) concerning some need of hers, that after she has met her need, the Messenger of Allaah said to her: 

Do you have a husband?

She said, “Yes.”

He said: ”How are you with him?

She said, “I would do everything for him except that which I am not able to do.

He said: ”Be careful how you are with him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.

[Ahmad 4/341. Al-Nisaa’ee. Al-Tabaraanee. Al-Haakim 2/189 via several isnaads. Its isnaad is saheeh]

3.The righteous wife obeys her husband.

Allah says, describing righteous women:

Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husbnands property).” [4:34]

Sufyaan ath-Thawree said:

“Qaanitaat (translated here as devoutly obedient) means that they obey Allaah and their husbands.”

[Ibn Jareer 5/38, with a saheeh isnaad]

The Messenger of Allaah was asked as to who was the best of all women, to which he (saw) replied:

The one who obeys (her husband) when she is commanded.

[Al-Nisaa’ee, 6/68, with a saheeh isnaad]

The Prophet (sallaAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

When a woman (a) observes her five obligatory prayers, (b) fasts during Ramadan, (c) preserves her chastity and (d) obeys her husband, she may enter Paradise by any gate she wishes.

[Ibn Hibban, al-Bazzaar, Ahmad, at-Tabarani and authenticated by Al-Albaani]

Regarding Obedience:

Obedience to the husband is compulsory in all matters except where he asks you to disobey Allaah. Likewise, obedience is a way to achieve hapiness in ones marriage life as no man can be patient over a disobedient wife. Obedience is a good quality, however, at times of disputes when he is angry, that is the time, when one really needs to exercise this obligation.

Although the obedience may seem difficult for some, tough for others, even a struggle for the newly weds, Allaah, The Most Just, The Most Wise, says:

Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested.” [29:2]

4. Do not anger your husband

Allaah does not accept the prayers of a woman who causes anger to her husband.

Ibn ‘Abbaas reported that the Messenger of Allaah said:

“There are three whose prayer Allaah does not accept… A women whose husband becomes angry with her…“

[Ibn Hibbaan 377]

5. A man is permitted to enjoy the body of his wife and she is obligated to submit to his desires.

Marriage has been prescribed to protect ones chastity, produce love and tranquility in one’s heart, establish love between the spouses, and to fulfil one’s desires.

It is a major sin to refuse to allow him to physically enjoy her body.

Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allaah said:

If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and he becomes angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.

[Bukhaaree 2/315. Muslim 2/1060. Aboo Daawood 2141. Ahmad 2/439 & 480]

In another narration:

… until he is pleased with her.

In yet a third narration:

… until he forgives her.

In yet another narration:

… until she goes back.” [Bukhaaree 4795]

Also; to refuse to allow him to enjoy her body causes many evils in society, among them:

  • She is indirectly ‘begging’ him to go to other women to fulfil his sexual desire.
  • It creates hatred in the mans heart towards his wife.
  • He may, as a result of this, ignore her rights that she has over him.
  • His love for her will not be as much, as it would have been, had the desired act taken place.
  • It causes anger in the man.

However it should be noted that she is not cursed if she has a genuine excuse like if she is menstruating, is sick, or if this in the month of Ramadhaan where fasting is compulsory.

Being busy, however is not an excuse for refusing his call.

It was narrated that Talq ibn ‘Ali said, that the Messenger of Allaah (saw) said:

When a man calls his wife to him, then let her respond, even if she is at the oven (baking bread).

[Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 927]

If a woman consistently refuses to spend the night with her husband in his bed, then she forfeits her rights to maintenance and also her share of her husband’s time [in the case of a plural marriage], because maintenance is a right given in return for intimacy.

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